What Color Is The Dress?  

                 

The origin of the gesture of writing is linked to the experience of a disappearance, to the feeling of having lost the key to the world, to have been thrown outside. To have acquired all of a sudden the feeling of something precious, rare, mortal. To have to find again, urgently, an entrance, breath, to keep the trace. We have to make the apprenticeship of Mortality.   -- Hélène Cixous

 

          It was December 25th 1960. The cousins and aunts and uncles had come and gone. The adults were slumped in the living room chairs watching Perry Como on the black and white television through drooping eyes. Their bellies were rumbling with digestion. The last of the turkey and mashed potatoes and green beans were packed into Pyrex containers and put into the fridge. The dishes with the holly wreath design were washed, dried and put back into the dining room hutch.

           I was sitting beside the tree admiring the pile of presents that were mine, wearing my new red flannel robe. I held a gold leather journal with its own little metal key. Aunt Wanda had given me a wooden box with two oval decoupage pictures of Swiss mountain scenes on the lid. It also had a key. I carefully locked the journal and put it in the box. Then I locked the box. The keys fit nicely into the little pocket on my pajama top.

I held the box reverently with both hands and stood up. Moving from adult to adult, grandmother, grandfather and mother, I bade them all a Merry Christmas with kisses on cheeks and announced that I was off to bed. Half way up the stairs I heard them laugh. And I heard my mother say, “Sarah Bernhardt.”

            It was not the first time I had heard the comparison. My family often commented on my flair for the dramatic. And this was a moment of high drama. I took the box to my desk, retrieved the keys from my pocket and took the journal out of the box. Sitting at the desk for a few moments to savor this moment of reverie I took in the image of snow falling on the slant roof just outside of the window, retrieved the foil wrapped chocolate Santa from the pocket of my flannel robe, carefully unwrapped it so that the image of Santa on the foil remained intact, popped it into my mouth and reached for a # 2 Ticonderoga.

            I wrote in my best second grade cursive. I got a journal for Christmas. Now I can write down all my secrets. I slipped the flat foil Santa into the journal, closed and locked it, put it back in the box, closed and locked the box. Slipped it under my bed and went to sleep.  

            I didn’t actually have many secrets. But every night before bed I wrote a few lines about my day.

            For a while.

            And then I stopped.

            In high school I began again. I carried around thin gray dime store notebooks and a purple felt tip pen. In the cafeteria, in class, in the bleachers by the football field, on a rock beside the creek behind the houses in our Levitt town development, in the back seat of the Dodge Dart that my mom and stepfather drove from grocery store to grocery store always looking for the best deal, at any give moment I opened the gray notebook and pulled out the purple felt tip pen to write. Cursive gave way to a neat, exacting print. I never capitalized i.

           When Lee Hellman, with the full afro and electric blue eyes, was sitting at the pottery wheel in the art studio I sat at the closest table, arranged my copy of Magister Ludi:The Glass Bead Game so that it could be seen by Lee, who would know the deep spiritual content of the book and realize the beautiful character of anyone who would read it, opened my gray notebook, took out my purple felt tip pen, pushed my too-long bangs behind my ears and I wrote.

 

He is so close

And so focused on his wheel

Why can’t he hear the

Sound of my heart

Beating

Beating

 

          I spent hours, painstakingly copying Joni Mitchell lyrics into my gray note books. I drew little pictures and wrote down every random thought. I wrote more poetry about Lee. I wrote phone numbers and dates to remember and notes about activities. I bought a new notebook every other week.

         One day in Brentano’s I noticed a yellow blank book with a pre-Raphaelite woman on the cover looking very full and self-referential. She wore layers of purple and gold and beads around her neck and scarves wound through her hair. She was the perfect icon of my writing self. I put back the copy of Steppenwolf that I had intended to buy and purchased the blank book.

         The pages of the book were smaller than the ones in the gray books and there were no lines. I felt held tight and set free in equal measures. My printing became economical and my writing became effusive. I filled page after page with contemplation about the nature of love and the limits of my environment and the beauty of Lee. A week later I was back at Brentano’s looking for a new blank book. This one had a Klimt on the cover.

         As a young adult I tried to maintain the ritual of writing. But there was always something I wanted to be doing, a conversation I needed to have, a place I needed to be, a job I needed to show up for. The shift from inner writing seeking self to outer running around seeking self was unconscious. Writing just drifted away.

         Sometimes, on quiet evenings, I’d pick up the blank book, pour a glass of wine, find a corner of a table, light a candle and a cigarette and write about the reasons I wasn’t writing.

         I have a pile of journals filled with writing about why I wasn’t writing.

When I was forty-four I left a high paying job managing a tourist restaurant in North Beach. I didn’t want to work in the restaurant industry anymore but I wasn’t trained for anything else. One year later I enrolled in college. I thought I might study psychology and become a therapist.

        And I’d take some writing classes.

        Just for fun.

         My college was a small private alternative school. In the first semester I took creative writing. The teacher was a local poet. She seemed pathologically unable to finish a sentence. She pushed the notion of first thought best thought. She recoiled from anything that seemed remotely critical of anyone’s writing, stuttering and stammering about writing being …just writing.

         At the end of the class she gave me an A and a note that said I was an accomplished writer. This from thirteen two-page pieces of writing. It was difficult to accept her praise. 

          I took a journalism class. The teacher was a young man who was writing a book on the criminal justice system. He was cryptic and tyrannical. It was difficult to understand what he wanted. I spent hours crafting each submission. In class he and my fellow students tore into each sentence questioning both the veracity and the craft. It was like being battered.

         At the end of class he gave me and A and a note that said I was a good writer but had trouble taking criticism. It was difficult to resist the urge to punch him in the eye.

          In three and a half years and a variety of classes my writing got stronger. I graduated with a degree in humanities.

          Thousands of dollars in debt.

          Not particularly employable.

          In the months after graduation I tried to figure out what to do with my life. Should I go to grad school and study psychology?

         My friend Jeanne’s friend Mickie’s friend Willa kept a journal on-line. I started reading her journal while I was in college. Willa was my gateway into the personal web.  She wrote about her cats and her job and her knitting and trips to Walgreen’s. No matter how perfunctory a list of what to buy at the drug store might seem it became compelling to me when it was in hypertext.

        Willa had a journal page and a web-log page. On her journal page she wrote in a narrative style. On her web-log page she posted links to pages of fonts and pictures of cats and other people’s journals. I began to gather those links and spend hours reading around. People were calling their on-line journals blog, a contraction of web-log. And blogs were popping up everywhere.

         I read a lot of meta-blogging. People wrote about what blogging was. Everyone seemed to have a different idea. For some people blogging was amateur journalism. People linked to events and expounded on their meaning. Some people wrote about their angst, life memories and, of course, their cats. Blogs formed clusters. On an individual blog was a list of links to other people’s blogs referred to as a blog roll. A blog roll constituted community. Some people wrote blog posts about what other bloggers were saying. It was like a worldwide bulletin board on which people left notes for friends.

         I began an on-line journal/blog of my own. It was not casual daily writing. It was a frantic attempt to connect. I wrote to impress, to court and woo, to cast my bid for linkage. I put a blog roll on my own page and did vanity searches on Google.  I delighted in finding my name on each new person’s page.    

         This awareness of the unknown reader changed the way I wrote. I felt the need to be compelling. Instead of writing from a need to record some internal process I wrote to respond, relate, garner. I thought about what I was going to post all day. If I was cooking dinner I was writing about it my head. If I was doing laundry I was writing about it in my head. If I was reading a book I was writing about it in my head. I told myself I was beginning to think like a writer.

        And I was.

        In a way.

        Six months after got my BA in Humanities I entered an MFA in writing program. I chose the nonfiction track. In some ways it was a decision wrought from the need to do something. Anything. I did love writing and I did want the space to do more of it. But I didn’t really understand what I was getting into.

        My program was pitched on the intimate atmosphere and personalized learning experience. Read small. Students work in community. But community does not necessarily coalesce by enrollment.

         In my first semester I found that most of my fellow students were wonderful writers who were generally interested in the use of the techniques of fiction in their non-fiction writing. I had never written dialogue, scene or character. I was interested in something slightly different. I wanted to write ideas and concepts. My fellow students were writing about their families and their travels and their memories. My first piece was a consideration of the different ways in which women cover their bodies. The piece was full of thoughts about modesty and vanity. 

        Thinking.

        On the page.

        Feedback included phrases like:

        “It took me out of the story.”

        “I wanted a scene here.”

        “Bring me into this more.”

        “I want to hear more about you.”

        “What color was the dress?”

         It startled me. I began to write toward all those requests. I began to tell detail-laden stories with lots of color. And I resented it. I thought about leaving the program.

         But each new class and workshop had a slightly different tone. The teacher and the group of students made the tone. I knew that the more narrative writing I was doing was building a kind of muscle tone. It became clear that to think of the program as a monolithic structure was wrong headed. The program was a group of individuals with individual predilections. And I was going to have to find a way to resist the desire to respond to what I perceived as their need.

          I began to think about MY writing. I began to locate myself in the identity of writer. I did like people’s stories. I did like the use of personal narrative to comment on culture, or politics, or anything. I was, after all, compelled by Willa’s list of what to buy at Walgreens. And I knew that detail rich writing was delicious.

         But the truth was I really didn’t give a fuck about the color of the dress. I wasn’t concerned with writing toward the readers need. There was a difference in the writing that I did with the intention of having it read by others. But how would I define and manage that difference? I was tenuous and recalcitrant at the same time. It almost silenced me. I found I had to answer the question: why write?

          And then.

          It was September 11, 2001.  I moved through rote motions.

          Cheerio’s in the bowl, bagel in the toaster, coffee in the grinder, in the coffee maker, milk on the Cheerio’s.

          I went to the living room, turned on the computer and then the radio. Amy Goodman was on the air. It was too early. Had I slept that late? She was saying something about the building peeling away. Something was weird.

          I spent the rest of the day drop jawed, staring at the television, the radio on, turning to the computer to search for information, again and again. As the year moved on it became a moment in history, a demarcation point on which public policy pivoted.

          Why write indeed. Sentences formed and reformed and none seemed good enough. In a time of horror, what is worthy of a thinking feeling person? What isn’t rhetoric when everything is bifurcated and positioned?

I love good writing. Sometimes I love bad writing. I love the human attempt to put life on a page. I love to hear about the color of the dress. More than ever I want every voice in the mix.

         Now I wake up in the morning. My first act of the day is to read other people’s blogs and write on my own. It is personal writing, filled with the mundane details of my laundry and my bus rides and my meal plans and my phone calls. And it is political writing, filled with my rage and frustration. It is a bulletin board filled with messages left for other bloggers. This amalgam wreaks havoc with the narrative line. It is a writing of self by any means necessary.  Despite the difficult nature of writing in a time when language is shape shifted and used to obfuscate I push to find a way to write.

         When I’m done I begin to work on the writing I must do for school. This has been a halcyon time in terms of having writing as the main activity of my day. A time to become a writer. It remains to be seen if I find a way to actually be a writer when I graduate. 

          Sometimes, when I am really trying to push myself, I pull out the black blank book. The one I’ve been writing in for the last six years. I write in spasmodic confessional chucks. Months go by between each entry. My handwriting has become illegible with age. I prefer the keyboard and the ability to edit as I go. I find it amusing that I was only able to return to daily journal writing when it was published on the World Wide Web.  

           Every day.

           In any way that I can.

           I try to engage the page.

           I must not allow myself to disappear.