I've
been thinking about the intersection of
fat and disability. I've been fat most of
my life but I have not felt disabled by
it in any way. When I started at EA I had
to think in terms of what I could ask of
an employer. In San Francisco height
and weight are on the list of attributes
that are protected from discrimination but
EA isn't in SF. I would want to be protected
from discrimination in terms of being able
to advance in the company but way before
that concern, I want to have access.
There
are plenty of fat people at EA. There are
plenty of all kinds of people there. Diversity
abounds. Things get male and pale as you
get closer to the top but there are people
of color and both genders in leadership.
There
is also a culture of
sport. There is a gym and volley ball
courts and a basketball court and teams
and a big green field on which they play
soccer. But, really ... "it's in the game."
The game you play ... while sitting. I'm
not trying to make the tired old connection
between weight and lack of movement. There
are also plenty of skinny people playing
basketball on their DS.
Conversations about weight are always troubled
by assumption a need to reduce things to
simple terms.
Most
of the people I work with are young men.
Most of them would rather be playing a game
in which there is a gun. The culture at
EA is, generally speaking, young and play
driven.
My
first problem was during training. Our training
was held in a theater space with narrow
seats. I sat on the steps. It wasn't terrible.
I'm not sure why I didn't ask for a chair
and a table but I was new and had been unemployed
for too long and I was in a room full of
mostly young men. So I sat on the steps
and no one seemed to notice or care.
After
I'd been there for a few months and we were
called back into those theater seating rooms
for a few meetings I went to the woman in
charge of our human resource department
and asked her to make sure there was a chair
in which I could sit. She was great about
it but I kinda wish I didn't have to advocate
for myself.
People
with all kinds of disability deal with this
stuff all the time. Companies put in wheel
chair ramps and think they've done enough.
They haven't. You can educate and you have
to educate but awareness and inclusively
are not particularly valued. One of the
people I work for was quoted as saying,
"no hand holding." That's the
value of a chest thumping, boy centric,
competition driven culture. No one needs
to hold my hand but you do need to give
me what I need to do my job and you do need
to make sure I have reasonable
accommodation.
You
read lots of company policy at EA about
inclusively and non harassment. But it's
a work place. Filled with people. All kinds
of people. I've heard all kinds of homophobic,
sexist and racist humour. Much of the racist
humor was about Asians coming from the mouths
of Asian young men. I've worked in restaurants
and rock and roll so there's nothing I haven't
heard before. And I want people to speak
freely around me. I want that because I
want to know where someone is really at.
But there I was sitting on cold, hard stairs
for hours of training because I didn't feel
safe enough to say ... I need a chair big
enough for the size of ass. I didn't want
to be seen as someone with a need.
Yesterday
I was walking to the pool and a woman stopped
me to tell me that she saw me on my
way to the pool often and - "good for
you!"
Huh?
She
went on to say that I've lost "ton"
of weight and she knows that I have because
she's a personal trainer.
Uh.
OK.
It's
possible that I've lost some weight but
I think would notice if I'd lost - tons.
I haven't. I told her that weight loss wasn't
my goal and she rushed to shift the conversation
to how great the pool was and how great
swimming is, both topics about which we
could agree.
Definitions
and criteria and context are often so creepy.
I'm not entirely comfortable with the joining
of weight and disability. I'm not entirely
comfortable with words that begin with dis.
And yet, I don't want to distance myself from
the political identity of disability.
I
want to have a sense of humor and perspective.
I want to be able to take a compliment in
the spirit in which it is given even when
it's filled with presumption. And yet I
don't want to be complicit with a way of
seeing things that I find reprehensible.
And I want to feel like I can identify my
own need and feel safe enough to ask for
what is fair.
It's
a lot to navigate and there really aren't
many simple conclusions and in order for
things to truly evolve we have to be able
to talk out loud. So...
I
have a comfortable office chair. I have help when I
need to move heavy equipment, although sometimes I have
to ask for that help. I don't need much hand holding.
But,
ya know ... holding hands often feels good.
There's
a paragraph in the SF Human Rights Commission document that
reads very clearly.
Employers must strive to
maintain a respectful, non-hostile environment related to weight and
height. Verbal or written harassment against an employee based on
weight or height is prohibited. Unsolicited comments, advice, or
literature recommending weight loss or gain are inappropriate. For
example, a poster that proclaims "No Fat Cops" and encourages officers
to seek help from the department about losing weight is inappropriate.
However, it is appropriate to advocate increased health and fitness for
people of all sizes. An employee must never be subjected to comments
regarding weight or height once the employee has stated that such
comments are unwelcome. An employee may not be retaliated against for
expressing that preference or for insisting on the right to be free
from weight and height-based discrimination and harassment.
But
how do you have that kind of non harrassment in a culture
that talks about weight as ugly, unhealthy and costly?