June 2007                                                                                Home

I am experiencing the learning curve of gratitude.  - Mary Chapin Carpenter


June 24 2007 8:07 PM   


Two friends sent me the same card.

Cool. That's how I want my living room to look.

I often think in terms of whether or not I feel like someone knows me. Sometimes I use it as a distancing mechanism. I don't think I know anyone who I haven't had that thought about, even my closest friends.

I can defend it. I know how it became a default response. I also see it as petulance. But, ya know how it is with default things. It happens. I try to stay calm and wait it out.

But when I got the same card twice I knew that my friends know me. I also got a card with a picture of a martini and a cig in an ashtray. That's me too. Not that I smoke anymore. And martinis are few and far between. But still.


George asked me what I've been listening to and I realize that I haven't been listening to anything. I'm a singer who never sings any more. A cook who never cooks. A writer who never writes. I ripped a bunch of discs into my computer at work and I've been trying to listen to music every day.

Small steps.


No turning from the threat of love,
No transcendental leap -                                   - Leonard Cohen


June 3 2007 9:42 PM   


I'm having trouble writing for all the same reasons. I worked some overtime and I had a coughing sneezing thing that lasted for weeks. I still have a bit of it. I'm tired all of the time. It may sound grim and sometimes it is. Mostly it's just time on a train and time doing my funny job and time in the pool and time recovering.

I watched this three times. A bit from which you can see here.

Under the heading: not sure if this good news, EA hired me. After a year I have finally left Geppetto's work shop and now I am a real child. Which means better money and benefits and a plaque with my name on it. It's not a bad job. It is a corporation. It is corporate culture. It is a corporation that makes games and it is in California so things are mellow. In some ways. But there's no question that we are in a corporation.

There's a kind of silencing. I can't talk about it.


There's no part of me that wants to write about game secrets on my blog. And I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me. And things aren't bad. The company has been through some changes since the days of EA spouse. So.

I dunno.

I had a really, really great dinner with George. Seems like it was a long time ago but it was only a few weeks. There are pictures of my pasta and asparagus and his burger. We had great conversation. It was good.

Renee is in town for a few weeks. We had burgers with Kathleen. I think I'll get to hang with her some this week.

Ya know. Life is OK.

I just wish I could write.