May 22 2003   

#86 There is no way I'm doing 150. I would like to hit 100 but I am feeling yucky.

#87 My back hurts.

#89 My butt hurts.

#90 My eye is twitching.

#91 AND my mouse arm and hand aren't feelin that good.

#92 It's comforting to read George's last few entries.

#93 Psychological denial is a phenomenon well established in individual psychology. lt seems likely to apply to group psychology as well. For example, there is much evidence that, during World War Two, Jews and other groups at risk of the developing Holocaust denied the accumulating evidence that it was happening and that they were at risk, because the thought was unbearably horrible. Psychological denial may also explain why some collapsing societies fail to face up to the obvious causes of their collapse.

Hmmmm.

#94 I am really cranky. It's good that I live alone.

#95 I just clicked to a site and there was a flashing banner ad. I may be blind now.

#96 The second aspect of my thinking on this issue is idealization. Wittingly or not, writers and readers are complicit in presenting and accepting an idealized persona. I try to write intelligently or entertainly about subjects which play to my personal strengths, and because you wish your Web surfing experience to be enjoyable or rewarding, you imagine perhaps that I am wiser or cleverer than I really am, perhaps even that what I have to say is said with some degree of authority.

#97 I. Um.

#98 I'm a double Gemini. I should be able to talk all day and night.

#99  RC: What do you like most about writing? SA: You can take more chances and more people are willing to go with you.

# 100 Some times.

                                     12:19 AM 

May 22 2003   

#85 Moyers. First he talks about the media consolidation nightmare. And now Los Lobos. How am I supposed to blog?

#86 A friend sent me a link to the political compass. I'd done it before. I'm Economic Left/Right: -7.75 Authoritarian/Libertarian: -7.64. Left of left.

#87 Huh?

SimilarMinds.com Compatibility Test

you are 77% similar you are 74% complementary

How Compatible are You and Your Friends?

#88 Whenever I look at the things where blogs are rated, like Daypop, I get this mix of contempt and competitiveness. I usually have to back away from the screen.

#89 Yeah. Margaret is right. I'm feeling all wound down. So close. And yet...

                                     11:25 PM 

May 22 2003   

#76 So. I started at 8:29 AM. It's close to 9:30 PM and I'm at the halfway point. I'm not going to stay awake for twelve more hours. I don't think. I'm pretty sure I can get to 100. I cleaned up from the Chinese food. Sigh.

#77 I'm half watching Hack. I often do. It's pretty dumb. But I'm waiting for Moyers.

#78 Do you think that there are people who read me because I write about fat stuff and people who don't read me for the same reason? Do you think people don't link to me because I write about fat stuff? I mean, really. I think so. And I don't really mind. But sometimes I do.

#79 White House aides asked people listening to a speech by the president to take off their ties so that they would look like the regular folks who the president claims will be the primary beneficiaries of his latest tax cut for the wealthy.

#80 You were scammed. via Interesting Monstah

#81Too much fun.  via Susan

#82 When I went to get the food I also got my mail. My cousin's daughter is graduating from highschool. I love that.

#83 New Fiore. He makes me smile. Actually it's more like a grimace.

#84 Tired. Very tired.

                                     10:23 PM 

May 22 2003   

#63 I skipped ahead to Zeebah.

#64 Scary. My name is Astro Silverkujira

#65 Ooooo Pretty. But ya know...I linked it from Reenhead who says she went back tables after seeing her site messed up in different browsers. It's a designer thing. I don't totally understand.

#66 Soulmate calculator. My probability coefficient: 0.9702. Heh.

#67 Weekly Wrap Up.

1. What was your favorite book as a child? Why? The Secret Garden. I liked the idea of a secret place that was brought back to life.

2. How often did you read as a child? Describe your preferred reading area or situation. I read a lot. I read at the table while I ate. I read in bed. I read on the porch steps. I read every where.

3. What children's literature series did you read when you were younger? Why? Little House Books. I liked them

4. Do you still read children's literature? Why or why not? Well. No. But only because There's not enough hours in the day and I'm reading other stuff.

5. What children's book would you recommend for a child's library? Why? AiYiYi. I can't even think about that right now.

#68. It's 8:30 and I'm not even half way done.

#69 Groovy. Via Pop Culture Junk Mail and Moodswings.

#70 Cool.

#71 I need this.

#72 Clearly I am trolling for links. Desperate to get to the half way mark. But can I just say that when I looked for the New Balance link I saw these and I really might want them. When I was a kid my mom made me wear saddle shoes and I hated them. Now they cool to me.

#73 Stonefishspine says Levitation day is suspended due to "The great song of indifference." Well. That's kinda sad. I was feelin it.

#74 Heh.

#75 Oh shit.

                                     9:08 PM 

May 22 2003   

#58 Big breath. So I went to the Chinese restaurant two blocks away and got some green beans and beef in black bean sauce and green onion pancakes. I stopped the corner and got a double cap. I figure I will be up for while. I did the dishes and closed the windows. There's a chill in the air tonight.

#59 Is anyone keeping track of how many things I'm still processing? I figured out the thing I felt about Real Women Have Curves. In the movie there's this idea that women should be loved for their minds and not their bodies. Well. I certainly think that women should be loved for their minds. And their bodies. And if their bodies are fat...all the more to love. The guy who is pushing up on the lead character says,"You're not fat. You're beautiful."

Uh.

It is a sweet movie. And there are some interesting parts. But I just really want more. Some day. He coulda just said, "I love your body. Because you're in it." Or sumthin.

#60 And to respond to Angela about my - I hate it when people try to categorized things by gender - thing. I feel like there are two things that are true for me at the same time. I am a woman. And I feel like there are qualities of womaness. But when I hear things like woman are the nurturers, for example, I balk. Because I think men can nurture. Very well. And I know women who never want to touch a baby. And there are other things. There are a lot of things a person can change with surgery to live the life of a woman. But you don't bleed. You don't have that monthly well up and release. Is that what makes a woman? Oh. I think that's a bit simple but it's certainly part of it. So I feel like we're still sorting out these gender ideas. And we're in a very early stage of sorting.

#61 Oh dear. I just do not know what to say about this. Via Tinka

#62 This one is for Monica. Who is beeeyooottttiffuuuuuuuuuuuuuulllllll.

All this blogging is making me loopy.

Blogging is loopy.

Crying is good for your heart.

Da dee dee dee da da da da.

Even if I'm up all night I'll finish this 150.

For all the tea in China.

George gave me this idea.

Here and now.

I am having fun.

Just in time.

Knowing you might read this makes me smile.

Love. Nuff said.

Most of the time I am wondering why.

Not for all the tea in China.

Open the door and come on in.

Patti Ann Princess Pricilla Penelope Pamela Parmeley. That's what my mom called me.

Quiet.

Resect yousef/

Stop making sense.

Tish is a very loopy grrrl. (At this moment. And often)

Under my breath.

Very loopy.

Whatthefuck?

XO

You are reason I've been waiting here so long.

Zeebah. I need to read Zeebah.

                                     7:50 PM 

May 22 2003   

#56 So I get to April. She's talking about nature vs nurture from a question she put on WHB. And she's writing about it relative to things like sexual identity and feminism. if I think about this too much I'll spend the rest of the day writing about nothing else. Which might now be a bad thing. But I will say that I am guilty of a kind of double speak. I often have feeling about what is a woman's thing. And I hate it when people try to categorized things by gender. So. What is naturally female? And what is trained into us? Big big topic. And now it's buzzing around in my head.

#57 "In the annals of armed conflict, there has never been an outcome quite like this, where the victors coddle the defeated enemy while visiting misery on their own people. If the rebuilding of Iraq goes as currently planned, the Iraqis will be enjoying their universal health care system just as Medicaid gets savaged at home. They will be counting up their personal oil profits while Americans face deep cuts in programs such as temporary assistance to needy families, the earned income tax credit, food stamps and education at all levels. Iraqis will be free to practice democracy in its untidiest forms, while Americans can be spied on and incarcerated without charges under Patriot Acts I and II. " - Barbara Ehrenreich via Random walks

#58 If fat people can keep their sense of humor, given all the bullshit we deal with, we won't have to worry about Diabetes. via Follow Me Here

#59 Look what I made. You can make one too. Earlier I read Mena and went here. Then I saw the button maker on Daypop.

#60 Also from Daypop. French journalists were sent back to France. Unbefuckinglievable. A word I learned from Dru.

#61 OK I gotta do some stuff. I may not be back in an hour. Which I say in case anyone is paying attention. But judging from the dearth of comments I may not need to worry about that. I know. People have jobs. It's date night. This is a kooky thing. In any case. I will be back.

                                     5:46 PM 

May 22 2003   

#51 I didn't know it was Asian Pacific Heritage month. And it's almost over. But I read Jenni.

#52 The Blogspot thing bites. I have to make three and four tries to load a page. I couldn't get Highwater to re-load and I had more I wanted to read from George.

# 53 I took the past life quiz. I lived in Argentina and was a singer, dancer, actor. Cool.

#54 Shit. It's about time for me to post. I'm going so slow.

#55 I have to do the dishes.

                                     4:44 PM 

May 22 2003   

#41 Turned off the television. Now listening to some tunes. Ahhh.

# 42 Hahahahahahaha. Again.

# 43 Chris always links to the coolest things. Why can't I figure out how to do the Geo URL thing?

#44 And then there's always those tests.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

#45 If I had a digital camera I could take pictures of  the food I cook. I mean ...look at this.

#46 Gabe does occasionally post to his blog. And he pointed me to this game. Which I play a bit too often.

# 47 I'm feeling a little spacey. Does that seem like something I should worry about?

# 48 George Partington has not lost his political voice. He blogged some of the speech Chris Hedges gave (or tried to give) at Rockford college. I heard Hedges on Democracy Now the other day. Amy noted the irony of Rockford College’s most prominent alum being Jane Addams, a pacifist who was booed off the Carnegie Hall stage for opposing US intervention in World War I. Addams was the first president of the Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom.

# 49 One more post and I'll be a third of the way there.

# 50 And I get to decide what makes a post. Heh.

                                     4:01 PM 

May 22 2003   

#21 Oh yeah. Shower. Good idea. And I washed my hair (Sweet Orange). Put an orange, some slices of pork, carrots and celery on a plate. Refilled the water bottle. I'm back.

#22 Right before my freshen-up break I read Susan. She's rooting for Annika Sorenson. As am I.

But I gotta say it's shocking that this is such a big deal. I mean didn't Billie Jean bust up that sports is for boys thing back in the sixties? How can anyone imagine that Sorenson can't play this game as well as, or better than, any guy? I realize that she's the first in this particular game but come on. Of course she should be playing. Even she is shocked by how much attention she's getting.

#23 Switched to CSPAN. Washington Journal to be exact. They're talking about Jason Blair. Why is he smoking on the cover of Newsweek?  Can they make him look any more reprehensible?  Seth Mnookin is the guy on TV right now and he did the Newsweek interview with Blair. A woman tried to confront him on the photo but she didn't really get it done. Mnookin said something reductive about ... well we had to have a picture, didn't we? But they are talking about the way this has been turned into a conversation on race and affirmative action and not a conversation on why the management at the Times didn't hire one of the many talented and ethical African American journalists.

                                     2:52 PM 

May 22 2003   

#17 Have I mentioned that I love Senator Byrd lately?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

#18 Three for Thursday. Because I need some help.

Shit. That took a long time.

#19 Listen to Laurie sing.

#20 So. I'm on 20. I really want to stop and take a shower. I haven't even gotten half way down my blog roll. And I'm beginning to wonder why I thought this might be fun. But. I really do think a shower will help.

                                     1:39 PM 

May 22 2003   

#11 I have the LAF Co on the tube but I can't really say that I'm taking it in. They're talking about solar power.

#12 I just can not take Bigger Hand off my Blog roll. Every once in a while I check in and he's done something new.

#13 OK. So I just tried to blog roll Free Pie and my browser froze. I had to reboot my computer. That kinda thing will fuck me up. While I was waiting for the reload I made the bed and put the dishes in the sink and ate a hand full of M &M's, which gave me a stomach ache. Then I got on the phone. I'm already stressing about getting this done. On post 13. Hmmmmm.

#14 Hahahahahahahaha

#15 Switched from the LAF Co to Living Room. Linda Tillery is on. I love me some Linda Tillery.

#16 I put a links open thing on the top. Some folks like to have that option. I do. And I thought I'd play with my mood indicator all day. And should I mention that the background is another fine piece of art from Squidfingers?

                                     12:46 PM 

May 22 2003   

#6 Anita Is having a how dull can you get contest. I may need to enter later today. Dru pointed to the Dullest Blog in the world the other day. I may sound just like that. Soon. Shit. I may sound like that now.

#7 Also from Anita. A link to Real Women On Line. On which Meryl Yourish writes about women and blogging. I don't read Meryl unless I'm following a link from someone else. My reaction to her essay is about the same reaction I have to her blogging. But. I'm still processing. Maybe I'll come back to it later.

#8 Renee is home. Yippee! Makes me wanna dance. She and I went out for a burger, (since she has been living with the vegans and really needed a burger- and since it is one of our traditions) and a visit to City Lights last night. Then we came home and watched Real Women Have Curves. It is a nice movie. But I think I was expecting more. I dunno. It was fun to see women comparing cellulite and deciding to love their bodies. There was a way in which the mother in the movie is characterized as someone who just can't grow. And maybe that's OK. Maybe it's another one of those things I'm still processing. Heh.

#9 Artey. Phew. It it hot in here?

#10 I hadn't read Back to Iraq in while. Reading it just now I am feeling like this war is neither hot nor cold. It has no temperature. So you can actually pretend that it's not happening. Except. It is.

                                     11:46 AM 

May 22 2003   

#3 Oh the meme's make it easy.

Between KPFA and my first few reads I am all riled up on a number of subjects. Also typical for how my morning goes.

Democracy Now reports that the sanctions on Iraq will be lifted. Good news. I guess. It seems like too little too late. The US now has UN support for it's occupation. The dull ache of rage that I have been feeling since this war began gets kicked up by this kind of news.

The other night when Suzanne and Carrie were here I was talking about how the part of me that thinks about what's going on in the world kind of lost my voice when this last part of the never ending war began. I'm still listening and reading and thinking. But I haven't been saying much. And I've been focused on the upcoming election. For obvious reasons.

#4 I just made an attempt to do the math on how many posts I'd have to make every hour to get to 150 before midnight. Yikes. I better get going.

#5 And I really haven't gotten past Amp because he and George both blogged this story about the teacher who used the n-word with a student. I guess there's been some discussion about whether or not his intention (presumably to teach the student how words can hurt) makes his use of the word less repugnant.

Uh. No.

I could grant that the teacher was reacting to the student use of the word gay and wasn't thinking well. But I can't imagine being able to use the n-word. I can't even type it just to talk to about it. The word holds too much pain. Even when I hear African American folks use the word I feel grief. I understand the ideas around re-appropriating a word. I talk about using the word fat. And I've read the book. But the word holds too much pain. For this teacher to use the word he had to be feeling some anger. Even if the teacher isn't gay he lashed out with his use of the n-word. There's just no way to get it out of your mouth with out an awareness of its horror.

See I spend every morning all riled up.

                                     10:37 AM 

May 22 2003   

#2  So far things are pretty much the same in my world. I'm eating scrambled eggs with cream cheese and salsa (the red one) on a bagel. Drinking tea. Listening to KPFA. Working my way down my blog roll.

One of the reasons I thought this would be fun is that I never read my whole blog roll in one sitting. I rush through a few favorites in the morning and during the day I read some longer winded folks. Today I am just doin a slow cruise through them all. Ahhhhhh.

And so far I've spent a lot of time getting organized. I thought I'd clean up my blog roll while I go. I move the link to 365 days to the door. It's a very cool project but I don't really look at it every day. Does any one else have the experience when opening a blogspot blog that it doesn't open the first time? And then, sometimes when you reload it's there?

I said I would use memes and I thought, since conveniently enough it's Friday, I'd do the Friday five. I used to do it every week.

                                     9:41 AM 

May 22 2003   OK. Perma link on top.  

I'm all wound up. George did this cool thing back in January. He did 150 posts in a day. The idea began with this guy, was picked up by this guy, and then stonefishspine and then George. I wanted to do it right away but there was school and I dunno. I forget why I didn't go for it. But I'm going for it now.

I mean look. It's Friday. I don't have a job. I meet with Stephen next week to begin the push to finish THE BOOK. I know I can work on the book on my own but, frankly, I'm a-scared. I want Stephen to hold my hand. So. I may as well do something kooky.

Of course I think George didn't blog for a few days after he did it. Hmmm. And my whole blog style is more journal than blog. And I don't even want to do 150 posts about my inner chat. (although there may be more than a few) So I may be tryin to pull something off that I'm not even ...uh...able ...er sumthin...to do. But I'm going to try.

Just coz.

Now. Despite the fact that Dru has generously offered to host an MT site for me and I could have an MT site if I switched servers on my own the fact remains that I do not have MT. I'm not on Blogger. I do this funny little page with WYSIWYG software and I have to get in to the html to do the perma link and comment # for the day. It's just enough of a pain in the ass to make me wonder if I will be finished by the time I get to 20. So I have to make my own rules about what is a distinct post.

And. I do this crazy table toggle every time I post. Which will also drive me crazy. So I'm going to do them all here. I'll number the posts but they won't all have comments and perma links. But at least once an hour I'll post sumthin. Once and hour until I get 150. Or lose my mind. I'll be looking for memes and things to go off about. But I'll just be relaxing into an all day blog a thon.

Consider this #1. I'll be back.

                                     9:35 AM